What's the plan, Phil(ip)?

I hold myself as a woman of faith. As of late, I must confess to be governed more by fear than faith, and for this reason, I have left you all for quite some time. Fear and faith cannot coincide, just as darkness with light. But God has been slowly challenging me on my level of faith, and I have discovered that I am severely lacking.

One thing I notice is that I'm becoming more like a woman everyday. I'm developing that intuition, which is helpful, but I'm also exhibiting flaws that seem to be in my very nature. Over this summer, I go to hear a series of teachings by Ms. Stacie Hooke. Truly life-changing teachings. She brought up a valid point - that she can identify with Eve's "issue" at the Garden of Eden. She knew the command to abstain from the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil given to her husband, Adam [Genesis 3:1-3]. I don't think she'd have had a problem obeying it either, save for one crucial missing item. Why? Just tell me why and I'll obey.

Oh, how I empathize with my ancestral mother! This, I wisely foresee, will be a problem in my future marriage, but more importantly (infinitely so), is a problem NOW in my relationship with Christ. Tell me why, Lord! Tell me why I must suffer, and I'll go through it willingly.

As a side note, it's interesting that this seems to play a role in abusive relationships, too. As part of the curse (which, I here emphasize, is no longer binding to those who are in Christ), the woman would long for her husband, and he would be head over her [Genesis 3:16]. I personally interpret this to mean that she will endure the hard burden of a man lording over her, even harshly, because her desire for him will be so strong. So long as the men give a reason, no matter how illogical it may be, many women stay in those relationships. In school, while practicing talking to battered and abused women, a common excuse was, "He only acts this way when I mess up." Of course, this does not warrant his behavior, but so long as an explanation is given, some women will persist in that harmful environment. God does not abuse those He loves. And we all deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves us as Christ Himself loves His bride, the Church [Ephesians 5:25-31]. This is the truth. Any interpretation otherwise is dangerously false.

God does, however, keep us in the dark. It makes it (Father, forgive me) so annoying to follow Him. I want to know the plan. Women want to know the plan. The title of this devotional is taken from the popular sitcom, Modern Family, but it's a question I demand of myself every morning. What's the plan, Philip? Let me evaluate where God is taking me and extrapolate where He'd want me to go next. Much more rarely, I actually sit down and pray and ask Him where He wants me to go next.

Lately, He has not been answering. It's so frustrating that I am tempted with thoughts of divorce.

For those struggling as I have, and am, here is some advice I have picked up these several months.

1. Be assured, God loves you. If you really get this, then you probably won't need the other steps, for they will come naturally. Evidence: every gospel account of the Crucifixion, every book written by Apostle John, and more specifically Jeremiah 31:3.
2. Combat those thoughts with the Word of God. This was Jesus' own tactic during temptation, so I doubt you discover one better [Luke 4:1-13].
3. Remember His faithfulness. Be painstakingly specific. I'll share a personal example. On the night of October 30, 2005, I was in a horrendous car accident. Looking at the horseshoe-shaped vehicle afterward, and how remarkably unscathed I was despite my lack of an airbag, I was immediately assured that God was concerned with my safety and well-being, and that He must indeed have a purpose for the rest of my life here on this earth. I was overwhelmed; automatically from my eyes sprung tears of joy and from my mouth sprung worship and praise to my great Creator God. My spirit was connected to His Holy Spirit alive inside of me, together worshiping the Holy King, Magnificent Lord, my El Shaddai, my Jehovah Jireh. Thinking of that moment brings my pipsqueak trials to scale.
   

God is so good, even when I don't know the next step. As the Christian adage goes, I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow.

God bless,
Alisha

Faith after defeat

*Scriptures taken from Biblegateway.com

When I started writing this devotional, I wanted to write about the amazing feats of Joshua's generation. I thought about how Joshua commanded that the sun stand still over the battlefield, and how the Lord listened and made the sun be still for a whole day. [Joshua 10] The Bible says that the Lord did something that day that He never did before nor did He ever do again - He heeded the voice of a man [Joshua 10:14]. What an amazing testimony! There are rare occasions when we see people so in tune with God that He actually does as they ask. All I could think about was, if there was never a precedent for it, what faith did it take for Joshua to ask for the sun not to move. It was audacious faith, and I wondered have such a faith.

But today, I feel convicted to write about a different type of faith. I have to address the attitude of a generation of faith after defeat. If you turn a few chapters earlier, we see the story of Ai in Joshua 7, a story often neglected by ministers who only want to speak about God's love and not His justice. After the incredible victory over Jericho, the children of Israel began to develop a name for themselves. Through worship, they defeated this great city, and so when they came to Ai and saw how small it was, they were confident that they could win easily. The craziest part was that Ai went to battle at all, knowing the reputation of the Israelites. They could have tried to make a treaty with Israel like the Gibeonites, but Ai was stubborn and chose to fight. So who won? Not whom we wanted. Joshua's generation suffered a great loss that day, not in number necessarily but in spirit. "The hearts of the people melted and became like water." [Joshua 7:5]

I can't tell you how many times that happens in our lives as Christians. We are coming off the high of a recent spiritual victory, and something ever so small trips us. Often times, Ai represents our flesh - a seemingly insignificant but ever persistent, constantly pestering enemy that we have to sacrifice perpetually or we fall readily.

Joshua cried out to the Lord and asked, "Why have you brought this people over the Jordan at all?" [Joshua 7:7] God revealed to Joshua the problem. He told him that one man had done an accursed thing; he had stolen from the spoil of Jericho in his greediness. The Lord revealed to Joshua the identity of this man, Achan, and the people of Israel threw great stones upon him, his family, and all his possessions. Nothing of Achan's was spared on its own innocence. [Joshua 7:16-25]

I think about Achan's children and maybe even grandchildren who were stoned to death. It makes me want to ignore the story and move on to the next chapter, but this story is in the Bible for a reason. Sometimes, we have to lose heart over an unexpected defeat for us to listen to God and look inside to see the sin within. As I said, often this sin is related to our flesh, but sometimes it is something else. I don't know with what you struggle today, but I assure you that unless you repent of your ways, you will never defeat Ai, and you will make a mockery of the name of God as those around you see your fear and inability. It's hard to hear, but unless you kill Achan and everything related to him, you are not living in Christ, but live as an enemy of God and an enemy to His people. Sometimes innocent things are the fruit of our small sins. The example that comes to mind is the innocent love that springs from the blatantly wrong decision to have a relationship with a non-Christian, or even to pursue a relationship with a Christian that you know is not a part of God's will. It has to be severed, and everything that goes with it must die.

After you have honestly put your sin behind you, there is another obstacle to face. You need to have teh faith that you will win this time around. before it was easier, because you had just overcome a problem you thought was so much greater than Ai. Now it is different. You are a soldier staring across the battlefield at the same warrior of Ai who killed your friend and left you running for cover. Can you be confident this time that God will be with you? How do we have faith after a defeat? How do we know this time God will fight for us?

I don't know. Our "Ai struggles" are incessant and more powerful than we give them credit for, and so it can be daunting to think we have to face them again. The only thing I can suggest is to make sure God sends you to battle. The next chapter starts, "Now the Lord said to Joshua ..." [Joshua 8:1] Notice that Joshua did not think, "Now that we've taken care of that nasty business, we can go ahead and fight again." Joshua understood that handling our Ai struggles usually takes time; it does not easily resolve. I'm sure that Israel had to suffer through pain and mourning over the loss of Achan's family. But when the time was right, the Lord called Joshua to take up his armor and fight. And God, being the omniscient God He is, knew the heart of Israel and said, "Do not be afraid, nor be dismayed ..." Furthermore, He instructed that all the people go to war this time, not just the few thousand sent before. When we fight Ai, it is imperative that not a single part of us is reluctant. It really does take full surrender or defeat is certain. But we can be confident in this: God has promised that Ai "has been given into [our hands]." [Joshua 8:1]

Faith takes courage I admit. First, we need the courage to put to death the Achan inside. Second, we need the courage to fight again. Both are extremely difficult. Essentially, we are ripping out a part of our heart, and then building it up again. No one but God can give us teh strength to do this. But my prayers are with you in this struggle, and I know that when you obey, God is going to surrender this Ai into your hands. Take this, cling to this as your personal promise.

God bless,
Alisha