Repentance = you-turn?

I was laying in bed, mulling over the slop of my life and trying to find a gospel solution to dissolve this mess (pun totally intended) so I can lift up my atrophied legs and begin to walk again. Discipline ... discipline I have always lacked. My mind conceives of a runner, prepping for the race of life, guzzling down bowls of spaghetti and rising before the sun does to climb the steps of the Art Museum, and unlike Rocky who dances at the top for a while, she runs back down and up again, over and over. That, to me, sounds boring. And I feel guilty that it does. I have no desire to do what I know is right, even though I know that, not only is it righteous, but it behooves me to do it. I want to glutton my desires.

Then somehow I think of a phrase that would make a great T-shirt: Repentance = you-turn. I immediately reject the idea, because I fall into the category of girls who are against fads because it's fashionable to do so. I admit it. But then I realize the real reason to reject the idea - it's wrong. Yes, repentance is about the 180, but I'm so stuck in muck that I can barely turn my head, much less my whole body. Repentance is about my turn-around, but I lack the power to do so. I need an outside Source.

And here is where my philosophies become praise: if somehow I could muster the mental strength to turn around, I would get the glory and honor. But if the Power is external, it becomes the wow-factor. It receives the awe. He demonstrates His brilliance in a God-designed adoration system. Now, repentance isn't a drag (again, pun), but excites my spirit because it lets me do what my being craves - to worship Him perfectly. And I don't have to wait 'til heaven to do so.