Dealing with Grief

For over a month I have been wanting to do some devotional on pain, and now I feel is the time.
More specifically, I want to talk about dealing with grief, which I here define as a pain that stems from a loss. We associate grief with death, but that's not the only way you can lose a loved one. The woman who loses her son to gangs, her sister to drugs, her boyfriend to another woman, or even her best friend to her own selfish desires equally feels sorrow.

That's the first of five principles you should keep in my mind:

1. Realize that you're hurt.
Don't be ashamed. There is no shame in shedding a tear. It's good to be strong and courageous, but it doesn't show a lack of faith to say that you are pain. Acknowledge it. For a long time, I would not tell anyone what was going on in my life, inside and outside, kept my depression to myself, let it eat me up inside. I felt that God put people in my life who "have it a lot worse" so I had no right to complain. But I realized now that I could not have been more wrong. To say that someone else has a worse life than me is to say that God is unfair. And He surely is not. God is merciful and just to EVERYONE. You are not exclusively His child. You do receive grace, or unmerited favor, but you do NOT receive special attention. He loves EACH person individually. So yes, you are going through a rough time. It's rough for you - admitting it only admits that you are human and weak, which is the truth.

2. Know that God put it in your life for a reason.
One of my favorite characteristics of God is his eternal nature, how He is able to see all of time at once as if it were every page in the book of history strewn about before Him. He knows you. He knows everything about you. The Bible says the very hairs on your head are numbered [Matthew 10:30]. He knows your body; He knows you physically. The Bible also says that God looks at the heart [1 Samuel 16:7] - He knows you emotionally. He knows your every thought so He knows you mentally. Need I go on? He knows you. He knows you so well because He loves you so much; only a person passionate about a subject will investigate every detail of it. He loves you with a passion.
Now that we have that established, do you honestly believe that God would put you through pain for no reason? The reason may not be apparent but He will reveal it in time, though maybe not to you. Job never saw the book that was written about his life, so famous today that it's studied in philosophy classes throughout the nation. Sometimes you'll never understand why you go through a trial, but it is a trial - it is to try you. You will get stronger in the end.

3. Remember and record every step of the way because it will be your testimony.
You yourself may not receive true benefit that comes from the experience, but guess what? You weren't meant to. Your tribulations are not for you; they are for another. There's another girl whose cousin fell through the cracks and now you know to tell her how to deal with a loved one battling addiction. There's a teenager who feels like she's losing her father to his own selfishness who you can help. There's a wife who thinks she cannot cope with her husbands adultery whose hand you can hold. It may not be now or even soon, but you can help. You will help. Your experience is your ministry. That's why it's so crucial to record in any way suitable to you the way you got through this. Because you will get through this.

4. Remind yourself that you are not alone.
God is always there. Focus on that fact. Recall the previous devotional on letting God be a three-dimensional part of your life. He can be if you let Him. He wants nothing more than to scoop you in arms and hold you tight. And He does it every morning when He sends you his sun. He proclaims His love for you every night with billions of stars. Even if you can’t “feel” Him, He’s there. He hears your prayers. He sees your tears. Even if every waking moment is filled with pain, He blessed you with fragility so that at some point you have to sleep. Your pain is not perpetual.
He has not left you, _____. I wish I could know all of your names so I could write it out 250 times with each of your names after the comma. “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” [Deuteronomy 31:6] That’s His promise to you. And God cannot lie – He is too powerful. Anything He speaks automatically becomes the truth. So He meant it, my friend. He never, ever leaves. There’s nothing that you can do can push Him to the point of giving up. “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” [Romans 8:38, 39]

5. Call on a friend.
A human friend. God placed people into your life for a reason. No one, not even Jesus Himself, went through life alone. Sure there are times when you need to be by yourself. We just established that God is always there for you. But there is a power that comes with human interaction - simply put, it heals. Don’t avoid your problem; please, talk about it. My suggestion is to first go to a Christian friend who will know that God is the ultimate source of comfort and strength. But even if you can only talk to an understanding non-Christian, turn to them. You cannot and should not go through this by yourself.

I’ll leave you with the word’s from Kirk Franklin’s song “Afterwhile.”

Afterwhile, afterwhile
This too shall past, afterwhile
Scars will heal,
You'll love again
It won't hurt you afterwhile
It won't hurt afterwhile

Stuck between if and when
You prayed and tried
But still no end
God's purpose soon you'll understand
It won't hurt you afterwhile
It won't hurt you afterwhile

Afterwhile, afterwhile
This too shall past, afterwhile
Scars will heal,
You'll love again
It won't hurt afterwhile

So when the pain has come to end
And now your heart is whole again
Help someone who needs to know
That it won't hurt them afterwhile
It won't hurt them afterwhile
It won't hurt them afterwhile