Smudged

Please take the time to read this and do not be daunted by the size of the message. It's all about God wanting you to spend time with Him.

Not to feel guilty, but here's what He showed me: there are some girls who will see the message length and leave it for a rainy day. They may not delete it, but they will certainly not come to it for a while. We are all busy with our own schedule. But – and ladies I implore you to not think of this as some form of condemnation – if we can make the time for the hour to watch America’s Next Top Model (even I do), and the hour and a half for class, which only feed us socially and mentally, respectively, how much more time should we give to God who will feed us spiritually? If you looked at your spirit-man today, would she be emaciated? Sometimes I feel as though we suffer from spiritual anorexia, that we refuse to take the time to take in and chew the good meat of the Word of God, all because we seek to control our lives in our own way.

Please, daughter of God, my sister in Christ, take the time to read this message. I promise it is for you. And here’s what makes me so sure. Last night as I sat in the library, my mind wandered into the past and brought up feelings and emotions of another girl. I was so overcome with emotion that I took whatever paper was with me and wrote from that girl’s perspective. It evolved into something beautiful, and here I share it with you. I was tempted not to, but the Lord sent me confirmation in the form of my devotional for the day, which not only addressed the same topic but quoted the same verse. See for yourself after reading this if you don’t believe me (http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml).

“SMUDGED

“That girl’s song resounds in my head and as always I find that it is a reflection of how I feel in my heart. ‘Broken up deep inside. You won’t get to see the tears I cried.’ God I feel so – so torn. So absolutely, positively torn. I don’t know why You put me in his life but I know You did and I see it serving its purpose each day.

“It hurts God. It hurts to see him pursue another, more pretty. I don’t even envy her. I know You made me beautiful and wonderful and very unique. I don’t know. I guess it hurts that no one sees that. That I am seeing it in myself, but nobody else does, or if they do then, well, they’re girls.

“It hurts Father to see him pursue another when I feel as though I was the one who was there. But I always chose to make myself not seen. I worked in mysterious ways, moving the hearts of others to go talk to him when he was hurting. I didn’t care that he didn’t turn to me, though it hurt. What mattered more was that he hurt. And I was going to do whatever it took to get him to feel better. So if he wouldn’t talk to me then he’d talk to another. And he’d feel better and draw closer to that girl until he realized that she wasn’t the right fit. So he turned to another.

“And there he is, pursuing girl after girl when he doesn’t realize that I can fit his need. That I have been the eye that saw him, that cared for him. That brought him to you in my intercession. Ever-interceding on his behalf. ‘Father, he just can’t see right now. He hasn’t totally rejected me yet, Father. Give him one more chance. He’s made the mistake to see me as just a casual friend but not as we are meant to be. I yearn for that deeper relationship, sure. But if all he sees me as is just a smudge, a faint reminder, then at least I’m present. At least I’m noticed.’ But I yearn for more.

“And now I see how You feel. I get, Jesus, what You mean. Jesus, I know it hurts to see me pursue another when You were the One who was there. But You always chose to make Yourself not seen. You worked in mysterious ways, moving the hearts of others to go and talk to me when I was hurting. You didn’t care that I didn’t turn to You, though it hurt. What mattered more was that I hurt. And You were going to do whatever it took to get me to feel better. So if I wouldn’t talk to You, I’d talk to another. And I’d feel better and draw closer to that person until I realized he wasn’t the right fit. So I’d turned to another.

“And here I am pursuing person after person when I don’t realize that only You can fit my need. That you have been the eye that saw me and cared for me. That You, Jesus, brought me to the Father in Your intercession. Ever-interceding on my behalf. ‘ “Father, she just doesn’t see Me right now. She hasn’t totally rejected Me yet, Father. Give her one more chance. She’s made the mistake of seeing Me just as a casual friend, but not as we were meant to be. I yearn for that deeper relationship, sure. But if all she sees Me as is just a smudge, a faint reminder, then at least I’m present. At least I’m noticed.” But I yearn for more.’

So what do I do Father? What choice do I make? Do I continue to smudge You, make You less and less distinct until You are so faded that I forget You’re there? Or do I choose to write a new chapter, this time in pen. And not bur the promise I’m making with You but keep it distinct, intact, TRUE! The choice is mine to make. I alone can make it. But should I do so, I will not be alone – no, I will never be alone.”

Ladies, what is the decision you will make? If you’ve come to this part of the message then you’ve taken the first step – making the time to receive from Him. Now it’s time to open the door.

“Behold I Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” Revelation 3:20 (NKJV)

God bless,

Alisha